VintageTube.xxx Review

Vintage Tube XXX! We’re going retro, boys and girls. Long before the internet came in and changed the game, we had to fap to actual VHS tape videos that maxed out at a dogshit resolution that you’ve never even heard of. They were more messy and blurry than modern 240p videos. That should tell you everything you need to know about the quality. But, there was still a lot of charm in porn back then. The biggest challenge was the actual making of the porn and the distribution. The world frowned upon the pornographic industry. It wasn’t easy to make smut back then.

The simple act of showing a blowjob on camera was considered a severely immoral act reserved for the most depraved perverts. These days an average 18-year-old has consumed more pornography by his 19th birthday than the entire compendium of smut until 1999. We’re living in the digital age. Back then, people lived in the stone age of smut. You had to physically purchase a VHS tape, go back to your house, wait for your parents to go to bed, then pop that bad boy into the video player and try your best to hear the smut. It was hard. The videotape whirred louder than the moans on screen, and you couldn’t afford to blast that shit any louder from fear of being heard by your neighbors.

But, we’re in the future now, and nostalgia is very much a powerful aphrodisiac. When you’ve jerked off to every camwhore that’s come out in the past 10 years, you might get complacent. You might get a taste for the simpler days when vaginas looked like the great Amazon before modern deforestation gave it tree alopecia. Vaginas were bushy. That’s the joke. I don’t know how razor companies managed to stay solvent back then. As far as I can tell, no-one shaved anything. To find the clitoris on a 70s porn vagina, you need a large dedicated team of excavators and several high-powered flashlights. Don’t forget to pack provisions.

Many of these videos have the boring bits edited out, but most of them are pretty much just transferred over into digital form straight from their VHS origins. That means that you get around 20 to 30 minutes of actual fucking for every hour-long smut movie on this site. The rest of it is the plot. I hate plot. Back then, regular movies were boring as hell. You can only imagine the quality of the writing inside actual pornography. This is where plumber jokes were born. A pipe bursts, a housewife calls a plumber, the plumber arrives, and by the time he’s balls deep inside her vagina, you’ve wasted 20 years of your life.

VintageTube is an absolute bottomless pit of ancient pornography. You could straight up use this site for your next history paper, in case you need references. And speaking of history, there are quite a few videos here that make the 70s look like the modern-day. That’s right – VintageTube has a bunch of black and white smut videos from the 1920s. At least, I’m guessing it’s the 1920s from the style. A lot of them are compilations of photographs, but either way, you get to see what sex looked like long before your grandparents were born. I’ll give you a teaser: It wasn’t sexy. This shit seems like something you’d catch at 4 am on National Geographic. Still, it’s an essential part of history, and some people like to jerk off to it, so by all means, dive right in.

On the other side of the coin, this site has a bit too many ads. The ads on the main page aren’t a problem at all. They stay within their lane, far from the actual video thumbnails. There are also ads on the video player’s side when you dive in, and those are also not too intrusive. However, ads that roll on top of the actual videos are a bit of a fucking headache. I could have done without them. The site is still pretty enjoyable without any ad-block, but they’re just about pushing the limits on the number of ads you can have before giving your viewers a stroke. At the very least, there are no ads in the middle of the videos. Once the smut starts, the ads fuck off. You don’t get interrupted.

Hell, if I had one recommendation for this site, they should add a switch that hides all the videos that contain overly hairy vaginas, but that’s just me. The foreign videos make this site a fucking goldmine. The Italian stuff especially is fucking good. It’s unique and eccentric, and it features some raw scenes that put modern pornography to shame. They even went out of their way to include some original Rocco Siffredi videos. Now that’s thorough smut history.

If you want to jump back in time with your cock in your hands and see some ancient pussy, by all means, check out VintageTube. You’ll find what you’re looking for. And, if you accidentally manage to run into a smut video featuring your mother, well, I’m sorry, that’s on you. You knew the risks: happy retro fapping, my dudes.