RN
The number that decides both of these products is on the listing, and it is not the price. It is the weight. The brain is 1200 grams. The croissant is 935 grams. For comparison, that is roughly a full wine bottle and roughly a bag of sugar, in a device you are expected to hold and move with one hand.
Everything else about the design follows from that. These are large, soft, unsupported masses of thermoplastic elastomer with a tunnel through the middle. A conventional masturbator wraps a soft sleeve in a rigid case precisely so that the case can be gripped and the sleeve can be squeezed against you rather than deformed away from you. Remove the case, scale the sleeve up to the size of a human brain, and the mechanics change in a predictable direction: force applied at the outside dissipates through the mass instead of reaching the tunnel, and the object needs both hands simply to stay in place.
What is published, and what is not
Credit where it is due, because plenty of novelty sellers publish less. Both listings give full external dimensions, weight, material and a count of internal textured sections — seven for the brain, five for the croissant. The brain also gives an 18 cm tunnel depth, which is genuinely useful and more than many established brands bother with.
What neither listing publishes is a hardness rating, which for a soft unsupported product is the specification that would actually predict how it performs. Nor does either publish care instructions, which matters more than it sounds and is the subject of the next section. On the brain's page, the closest thing to maintenance guidance comes from customer reviews rather than the manufacturer.
The material is the buying decision
Both are TPE. This is the standard material for the category and it is not a criticism in itself, but it carries obligations that these listings leave the buyer to discover elsewhere.
TPE is porous at a microscopic level. It cannot be sterilised — not by boiling, not by steam, not in a dishwasher — because temperatures above roughly 50°C will deform it. Solvents, acetone and heavily fragranced soaps damage it. It takes water-based lubricant only. Left damp, it goes tacky and holds odour; the conventional fix is thorough drying followed by a light dusting of a cornstarch-based renewal powder, and the conventional expectation is that the product is a consumable with a finite life rather than something you keep indefinitely.
None of that is exotic. All of it should have been on the page, particularly on a €69.95 item aimed at buyers drawn in by novelty rather than by familiarity with the category. A product bought as a joke is a product bought by someone who has not read a materials guide.
There is a second consequence specific to these two. Porous material plus very large surface area plus an 18 cm tunnel is a lot of interior to dry properly, and drying properly is the entire hygiene regime. The size is not just an ergonomic issue.
Who these are actually for
The honest reading of these products is that the novelty is the product and the function is secondary. The shapes are the point — they are conversation pieces that happen to be usable, sold on the strength of being absurd, and the manufacturer's presentation leans into that rather than making performance claims.
Judged on that basis they are reasonably priced. €49.95 for a nearly kilogram moulded object with printed packaging is not a rip-off, and the brand's own conventional shapes exist for anyone who wants the function without the joke. Judged as masturbators, the geometry is working against them, and the earlier hands-on review of these exact two units — written from samples the manufacturer sent — reported precisely the problem the specifications predict: too large to grip, too soft to generate resistance, more effort spent holding than anything else.
That earlier account was one person's experience with two units and is not reproduced here as fact. It is worth noting only because it points the same direction as the numbers do, and the numbers are checkable by anyone.
Before you buy
Decide which purchase you are making. If you want an object for a shelf that raises questions, these do that well and the packaging is part of what you are paying for. If you want a masturbator, the shape is the wrong shape and the same manufacturer sells conventional ones.
If you buy either, buy renewal powder at the same time, use water-based lubricant only, and plan on replacing it rather than keeping it. And note that the prices are euro list prices — the real cost includes shipping and, depending where you are, a customs charge that these listings do not mention.
For the wider category, the online sex toy shops are the checked retailers, and worth comparing on shipping and returns before ordering a heavy item from a single brand's own store.